Good Vibrations Sex Toys sent me the latest and greatest in the world of Smartballs – Fun Factory’s Smartballs Teneo Duo in exchange for an honest review. Admittedly, I was *terribly* excited to get these bad boys and stuff them in my cunt.
You see, a long time ago when I was brand new to sex toys, the original Smartballs rocked my world in every way imaginable. For reasons I really do not understand, that first set of Smartballs (which I still have, although they are certainly looking bedraggled) is a highly stimulating anomaly in the world of smartballs. I have picked up two replacement sets over the years, and they just feel like nothing-nada-zip.
I first theorized that perhaps the different colors (my first set was black and silver, second set pink on pink) were to blame for my replacement set feeling like nothing (differences in material density, or something), but I actually purchased a new set in that same black and silver and still: numb-nuts nothing. This has led me to conclude that Fun Factory somehow changed their Smartball design after 2005, and now they suck.
Still, this experience has left me with the belief that this idea of Kegal balls can work, and has led me down a mostly bitter path of seeking something that perhaps doesn’t exist anywhere but in pre- 2005 Smartballs (seriously: what. the. fuck. is up with that?). So far, I have not found anything that works for me – even the extremely popular Lelo Luna beads left me numb.
When Fun Factory came out with the Teneo Smartballs range, I basically hoped beyond all hope that Fun Factory had taken that awesome pre-2005 design (whatever it was) and had moved it to this newer version of Smartballs. But alas, this is not the case. These Smartball Teneo Kegel Balls, as Goodvibes likes to call them, just make me feel like my vagina is broken and/or cavernous, like every other set of veg balls I have tried (except, of course, my 2005 set of Smartballs). No amount of clever positioning helps – they just don’t really ‘jiggle’, and without jiggling, there’s no stimulation. Lame.
Of course, the Smartballs Teneo does feature some nice perks above and beyond classic smart balls (any many of the other vag balls on the market). They’re silicone, even retrieval ‘string’ so they can be boiled for effective sanitization if you’re so inclined. They’re on the bigger size, as vag balls go, so they’re more likely to be stimulating (because apparently they work well for other people) if your vagina prefers a bit more fullness in general. And heck, if you’re worried about the two balls being too much, they also come in a single ball version as well. Gotta like that. Conversely, if you have small pussy syndrome, these may not the the best option for you.
Anyways, thanks to Good Vibrations Sex Toys for letting me give Teneo Duo a try; too bad they didn’t do it for me at all. I know there’s nothing wrong with my vagina, because it is capable of all sorts of magificent, amazing and wonderful things, but like most vag balls these ones have left me feeling that “Daymn, what’s wrong with me? Am I cavernous? Lacking nerve endings?” feeling. What a bummer.